His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize