I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
