But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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