He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
