i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
