North Korea, Best Korea!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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