my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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