she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
