oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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