I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
