YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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