shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i came on her dog
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
