this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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