Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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