I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
