hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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