I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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