She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
