i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
