quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
