The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
