Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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