I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
