remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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