Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish you could order shots online.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
