did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
