Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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