we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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