Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
