I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
