i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
it's like iHOP with fire
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
