Barsexuality is the new black.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
BRING THE BAGELS
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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