We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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