Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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