i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He is an equal opportunity slut.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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