i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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