We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
