i just made my gag reflex go away.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize