I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
