i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
