You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
