Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My feet surprised me
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