i may or may not be watching the land before time
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
she peed on how many people?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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