I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
