Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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