I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
