and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
