u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
