i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize