I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
