now i know why i became what i already was.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
