"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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