This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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