i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
