My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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