What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize