Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
