just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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