I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
