I love watching others lives come down to our level.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
