I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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