She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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