Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
