Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
