he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
