guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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