I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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