Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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