he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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