He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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