Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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