You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
