just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
