I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
