Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
