covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sorry about my life...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
