lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
