The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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