I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
