thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize