If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
