after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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