don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
