My liver just broke up with me...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
