I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Houston, we have a blender
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
