what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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