i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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