she woke up with a sticky ear
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
