theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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