I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well I just put wine in my tea
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
