how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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