glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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