you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
