I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
